we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
