im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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