Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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