I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
