if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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