Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
