C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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