My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
