And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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