So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
