I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
