So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
