What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
