Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
