living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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