I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
