I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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