so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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