I cannot find my penis.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
