OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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