Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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