Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
