It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The air was thick with penises
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
