Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
