I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
