I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
