remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
