Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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