and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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