when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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