im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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