you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize