If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We don't watch enough power rangers
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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