Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did I show you my penis last night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
