It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
