the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
