I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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