we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
im on a boat
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