why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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