I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
