quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
