almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
