I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
