how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
