Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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