I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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