PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
