I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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