Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
