Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
