I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
