idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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