I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Pooping to opera.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
