On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
