you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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