is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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