I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
