what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
