Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
