question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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