Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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