he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
