I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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