What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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