Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
