Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The uberlube is also flammable
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
