He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
