i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
