It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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