I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
