god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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