Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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