You're a womanizer and a bitch.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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