so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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