Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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