I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Michael Bay diarrhea
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
