she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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