I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
