On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
