I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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