it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
