with your own penis?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
